Blood, etc.

Nothing super new to report. Got a bag of blood and a bag of platelets on Saturday and have another appointment tomorrow. I'll be off prednisone by the end of this week and hopefully off most of my antibiotics by next week (white count permitting!) so things are going on as anticipated. I'd love to start seeing better blood numbers in the next few weeks but according to my doctors and every single web article on aplastic anemia (I've had some time to kill on the internet) I shouldn't be expecting much until September/October-ish or maybe even later. So...we wait.

Two things are on my mind today so I'm going to break from strictly blood stuff for a bit and indulge.

Tomorrow, July 20th would be Alex's 25th birthday. I've been thinking about this day and how I would feel for a while now, but I didn't anticipate I would be this emotional. Alex and her whole family were so strong and positive during her illness that coming to peace with her death came more naturally than I thought. Her life was way too short but incredibly meaningful and to buy into the old cliche, she really will live on in so many ways. I miss her every day and now more than ever, though, for very selfish reasons. If she were still here she would know exactly what kinds of jokes to make about my blood and my bruises and my skunky cyclosporine pills, or how to comfort me after a long day at the hospital. She would let me be grumpy or negative if I wanted to be and would distract me with deeply intellectual theories on "The Bachelorette."

I'm determined to find meaning in my illness and come out on the other side better in at least some small way. One positive thing I've realized is that while our diseases are very different, I feel like I have a better understanding of some of what Alex felt and went through and to an extent, our bond is even stronger than before she died. While she can't be here physically, she is still giving me so much strength and I will get through this in large part due to our friendship and her example. I wish we were spending her birthday together being silly and snarky, but instead I'll do my best to have a happy, positive day reflecting on our friendship and how much I love her.

ALSO, I'm going to have a nephew!!! I can't wait until December when I get to meet the first in the next generation of Kilians and play with him and teach him how to properly (prop-a-lee) make fun of my Mom's Boston accent (sorry Mom...love you). It is hard to get down about my situation with something so exciting and special to look forward to.

That's enough of that. Thanks to everyone for reading and posting and emailing and just thinking about me. The support means a lot. Can't wait to give you all good news soon!